WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
