He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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