We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
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