Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
