It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
