Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
