i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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