So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
