the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
