Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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