All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
