We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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