Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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