Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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