I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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