We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
