Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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