I have demons in me.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
