I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
