Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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