i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
