I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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