All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my sisters under your porch take her home
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
