What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
