how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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