Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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