Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I need to sanitize my soul.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
