woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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