nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
