did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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