you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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