i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
