we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
