at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
