I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
