I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
he's single and there are thong briefs.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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