I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
