im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
