my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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