i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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