they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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