she woke up with a sticky ear
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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