Someone shit on the floor
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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