I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I touched a dick in church today
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
