I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
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