I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
