i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
