Since when is my name a synonym for head?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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