just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
