I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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