New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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