I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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