My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
