i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize