Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.

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(559): View more from California

yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate

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(706): View more from Georgia

Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.

(518): View more from New York

I am in love with you.

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(937): View more from Ohio

I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?

(727): View more from Florida

Only if you say it like that.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?

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(352): View more from Florida

Ok so I need a recap of last night...

(813): View more from Florida

YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that

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