Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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