Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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