i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize