Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
