Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
