I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
is wine microwaveable?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
