He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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