Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
