the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
