i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
