Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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