So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
