i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Randomize
