I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
