how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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