I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Boobs speak an international language.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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