you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
