can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
