I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
