separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
