I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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