I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize