I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
