Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
