went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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