Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
