I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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