he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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