just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
