Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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