i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
