as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
