we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
