i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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