Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
