he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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