Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you would pick up someone in the library
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
