He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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