At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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