You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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