Swine flu. Run for my life!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You're like the curious george of whores
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
