im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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