You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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