Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
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