addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
