Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
